When you are in a long distance relationship it is perfectly normal for you to experience stress, and not just from the relationship itself. When my guy was gone I had to work, go to my first year of college, try to find a new job because my current job was horrible, my dog died, my mom had surgery, and I had to drive my sister around whenever she wanted because she didn’t have a drivers license.
I’m going to tell you right now, no matter how strong you may think you are, it is going to effect you in some way. Now be careful when this happens because your guy will be going through the same thing, and it is dangerous for both of you to be stressed at the same time.
When this happens you won’t feel like you want to help him as much, and he will feel the same. Caution! You need to keep in mind that you both care about what they other person is dealing with, it’s just that you are so overwhelmed that that may be all that you can think about.
The absolute best thing that you can do in this situation is try your hardest to not take what he is saying the wrong way. If you do that you are much less likely to get into a fight, which is always nice.
I have decided to post my advice once a week in order to make sure that I can have this blog last as long as possible for those of you who need it. The post will be on wednesday around middday so keep your eyes open for it. :)
I will still be checking the blog every day so if you send me any questions or anything I will still respond and post as soon as I get it.
I just want to make sure I don’t run out of things to talk about :)
I have gotten this question so many times that I feel like I should officially post something about it. This way I can go into a little more detail and maybe help a lot of people by one post.
So what I did while my guy was gone was work and go to college. I worked as long as I could and as much as I could so I could get my mind off of him for a few hours a week.
I am always better when I am busy so that helped a little, but what helped the most was me going to college. I was already planning on doing this before he left, but I’ve got to say that going to school and always having some homework to do or a test to study for really made it easier for me to get over him being gone.
If you stay busy you can get your mind off of things for a while, and still be able to write to him and miss him. It just won’t be nearly as much. That is a very good thing because your friends, family, and frankly you will not be able to take months and months of you moping around the house with nothing productive to do besides write a couple of letters every week.
I also want you to consider your boyfriend in this. Would he want you to do nothing with your life while hes gone for months, or would he want you to do something for your future? You know he would want you to be productive with your life. Try one or both of these out when your guy leaves. I promise you won’t regret it.
Wow. I just read your entire blog and it has definitely helped calm me down. My man left 17 days ago for the army basic training and its so hard trying to make it through alone. My family doesn't understand and I haven't been given his address yet, so its been very hard. He has written me eight times while he was in reception, but he arrived at basic a week ago and I haven't heard anything from him yet. Is this normal? When did you receive your first letter with your man's address?
Every base runs things differently. It is possible that he can’t send letters until a certain point in his training or he has been so busy that he hasn’t had time to write you. I recieved my first letter from my guy three weeks after he left for basic so it may take a while for him to send you something. Also some bases wait until they have a certain number of letters before they send them out so it could be their fault. I would say that if it has been a month and you haven’t heard anything from either him or his parents then you should be a little concerned.
It just takes time for letters to get to you. I know it sucks having to wait, but I promise you it will be worth it in the end.
Military Girlfriend Out.
P.S. It’s possible he doesn’t know his return address so he might be waiting to send you a letter until he knows that. After all he wants letters from you just as much as you want letters from him.
Well, I’m going to join the National Guard soon as well as attend a military college. I am a female but I am extremely worried about my future. Joining the military has been something I’ve always wanted to do, so I’m not doubting my decision. However, I do want to get married and have kids. You might not know what to reply to me but I was just wondering if you think it’s a good idea that I get involved with a military guy. I met a great guy who’s going to the same school as me but I don’t know if I can handle joining as well as a bf joining. I just don’t know if it would work considering training and possible deployment and being stationed in certain places. What do you think? What would you do?
So this is a really hard one for me to answer. To me it would depend on the person I was in a relationship with. There are some people that aren’t going to be worth the trouble and there will be others that you will do whatever it takes to be together. It just depends on how you feel towards a person to really find out what you would do for them.
As far as a military relationship where both of you are involved in that way, I personally have no idea what I would do. I asked my guy his opinion on the matter and he told me that if you wanted to become an officer being in a relationship would be really hard, especially if you wanted kids someday. He told me that the odds of the two of you ending up in the same place are extremely slim, but if you are willing to make it work there is always a much better chance.
My best friend is in the Navy and she has successfully completed basic training and has moved to her further training. She is in a relationship with someone who is also in the Navy, unfortunately they are based in two completely different states. They feel like they love each other enough that they can make it through a long distance relationship for as long as it takes until they get to be together. They won’t get many opportunities, but to them just a few times a year is enough for them.
I see where you got some hate; let me just say this. There are spiteful women in this lifestyle. Trust me, I have had to deal with them as well. It doesn’t matter if it’s your boyfriend or fiance’ or husband, we all love them the same. I saw where an anon said if your boyfriend died, it would just be your boyfriend.. to that I say.. hell no. Ma’am, you were once a girlfriend and if you lose the person you love it doesn’t mean shit if you can collect their benefits or not because that is the ONLY difference in being a wife & girlfriend.. love is equal, benefits are not. I hate that you’re getting hate from these Army wives. I promise you that not all of us are like that. Also, I dealt with my husband being deployed when he was just my boyfriend & there is no way in hell I would ever say that he would just be my boyfriend who was killed in action; no, it would have been the love of my life & I would have been lost without him. So there’s that again. I’m sorry.. I just can’t stand to see people attack within the community especially in such a harsh way to someone who claims nothing. If you need me, I’m here.
you act like you know everything about being in a military relationship, your only an army girlfriend. you cant even live on base so how do you really know what its like to be an ARMY WIFE? hmm i am an army wife and your post are mostly incorrect and then reflect a young, stupid oh i love an army man. he isnt your whole world, you have a life too. stop acting like a know it all, become a wife and then maybe you will learn something. if he dies its only your bf not husband. army wife out.
So I would like to point out to everyone who reads this blog that all the things I talk about are for when your guy is in Basic and A.I.T. therefore it is all the same. I know this to be true because I know many people who are married and have gone throught the same things. Even if I was married I still would be unable to live on base with him during his training.
I have not once talked about what it is like to be an Army Wife and I don’t intend to until I get married to someone in the Army.
I have never said he was my life. I have just said that he is an important part of it.
I am fully aware that I do not know everything about being in a military relationship, but I am talking about when he leaves for basic.
Lastly, if you don’t like my blog don’t read it. I am in no way, shape, or form forcing you to read it.
Military Girlfriend Out.
P.S.: I don’t care if you don’t like this blog I am still going to write it for those who feel like it helps them, because that’s why I started this blog.
I've been dating my boyfriend for about 3 year. He is now leaving for basic and ait in less than 20 days and after that going to school 5 hours away when he comes back. Our first year together was really rocky, there was cheating on his part and that has caused some deep trust issues with me. We haven't had any problems for the last 2 years though. When I ask what we are going to do when he leaves, he replies he wants to go with the flow. Should I be worried? Or is this just me being insecure?
It is natural to be worried whether he has a cheating past or not you would be worried about what was going to happen. As far as going with the flow that’s actually all you can really do if you want to try and make it work. You can’t just simply say that you are going to stay together through all this and that things are going to be perfect, but you can’t say that everything is going to fall apart.
I guess the best thing for you to do is to think about whether or not you trust him being away from you that long. In the end its really up to you because, as you know, you know him much better than I do.
So, if your guy is like mine he already cusses a little when he is frustrated or excited, but not all that often. Be prepared girls, this is really going to change. Your guy is going to curse like his life depended on it no matter how he is feeling.
Keep in mind that this is not his fault at all. He has been put into an environment where everyone who talks to him about anything will most likely be cursing at him. Because of that he will become so immune to it he will not notice what he is doing when he is talking to you. To him cursing is just part of a conversation while he’s gone, and that’s perfectly okay.
When this first happened with me I was really surprised and I wasn’t quite sure what to say about it. I’m not one of those girls that is easily bothered by this, but the magnitude was just so great it caught me off guard.
If you are bothered or uncomfortable by what he is saying just let him know that you aren’t used to it and he will probably think before he speaks to you. Just keep in mind that no one is perfect so it may take a while for him to get into the habit of talking to you instead of everyone he is with.
So for some of you girls who have really close friends that you feel can relate to you on every level I have some bad news. If they haven’t been in a long distance relationship of any kind, military or not, they will have a very hard time relating to you and in some cases helping you through it.
This of course is no fault of their own. They just either haven’t tried to make a long distance relationship work, or haven’t even been presented with the chance. Just keep in mind that they want to help you, but they may not be sure about how to go about doing that.
Listen to my advice on this. I have been the girl with her guy gone and before that I have been the best friend of someone in a long distance military relationship. I wanted to do everything I could for my friend. I wanted to let her talk about it or vent or whatever she wanted, but the problem was I didn’t want to bring him up for fear that it would upset her. Your guy being gone is going to be tough for your friends too, not as tough of course, but they will still have to change some things.
Girls, when your guy leaves you should tell your friends whether or not it is okay to bring him up in conversation for a while. If you decide that you don’t want to talk about him until you are comfortable with it let them know that in the beginning as well as when you change your mind.
In the end just remember. They want to help you, they are just nervous that they might hurt you if they say the wrong thing.
I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half, and he just joined the National Guard ROTC. Unfortunately, this means the summer I was looking forward to - I attend college 12 hours away, so we're already long distance - will now be taken up by basic training. I'm sure you know that drill. Any advice on how to get through those ten weeks?
Spend time with your friends and family as much as possible. They will get your mind off of things. If you don’t have one yet, get a job and raise some money. After all you might as well be productive while he is gone. If those don’t work maybe take a summer class and get ahead a little.
How do you get threw the time when your boyfriend is away?
When my guy was gone I pretty much absorbed myself in school work and regular work. To be honest him being gone before I started collge was probably a good thing for me because I was able to concentrate on something worthwhile during that time instead of just wandering around not knowing what to do.
If you have anything in particular you would like me to talk about let me know! I don’t care if I’ve already talked about it or not I will cover it again as well as do my best to make sure I don’t say the same thing. I may be the same person, but I can still give you a different perspective on something you may be going through.
I know it seems like I have a lot to talk about, but I only have so many things that I thought were important. If you want me to keep helping you you should tell me what needs to be covered.
Thanks for following! I never expected to have so many of you follow this and I’m glad I’m helping.
I'm getting ready to leave for RTC in the next few months and my girlfriend is having a lot of trouble dealing with it. Is there any advice that I can give to her to help put her mind at ease?
Well everyone is different so I’m not quite sure what to tell you. When my guy was about to leave I always felt better after we talked about him being gone and all the things we were willing to go through for each other. Maybe tell her that the only reason that you are willing to go through this with her is because you believe that she can be strong enough to make it through this. Tell her how much you care about her and how hard you are going to fight to keep the relationship going.
Speak from your heart. I promise you it works every time.
how do you deal with not losing it wen he first leaves
I cried a lot the day he left to be honest. After that it was really hard, but my family kept me busy and I was starting school in a couple months so I had to work so I could afford my school. For me it wasn’t so bad when I was busy, it was when I had nothing to do that it really got to me.
I don’t care how nice and fair you think your guy is, when he enlists into any branch of the military he will believe that that branch is the best one, and all the others have some huge fault.
This is perfectly normal, but I am writing about it because when it first happened to me it was a shock. Especially since he was considering multiple branches until he decided on the Army Naitonal Guard.
Your guy will talk about how lazy the other branches are and how they get more chances at success in the military than the branch he is in does. Some of this is true, and some of it…well he just wants to vent.
Just be prepared for this. If you get offended by something he says just let him know and I’m sure he will respect you to not talk about it as much, but he will talk about it at some point.
My advice, just agree with him and learn about what he is talking about. If you give him reasons to see that they are all equal in their own ways he may not be as frustrated.
When your guy is in basic he will have very little time to eat his food. I’m sure you already know that, but I still need to say it for those of you who didn’t know that. What you may not know is that the food he will be given is horrible.
The food is sorted into different colors that show the health of the food. For example something really healthy for you would be in the green catagory and things that are very unhealthy for you are in the red catagory.
Now this does not does change when he goes to his traing after basic, but what does change is you can send him care packages containing all the goodies that he loves. My advice to you is to send him some home made stuff so he has some good food for a while.
The next time you see him from when he is at basic you may notice a change in how much he eats, and how fast he eats it. I’m telling you he will become a bottomless pit and will eat so fast he will be done before you are even half way through your meal. This is okay for him to do I’m just letting you know as a word of warning.
While my guy was gone I got really really sick, and the hardest part about dealing with it was that my guy wasn’t there to comfort me and help me feel better. It was hard for me because all I wanted to do was talk to him and have him keep me company until I felt better. We were able to talk because he was at his training after basic, but there was a problem. Because I was sick and he had had a long day we were both in a bad mood. Caution girls when both of you are in a bad mood it probably won’t end well.
When you’re sick you need to just look forward to the sound of his voice, not nessesarily what he is saying. I know that that may be hard to do, but if you don’t you may start to take things he is saying the wrong way.
Just take care of yourself and then take care of him.
So I know that you girls think that anniversaries are really important while your guy is still with you, but let me tell you they are so much more meaningful while he is gone. Every month that passes with the two of you still together is more important than the last. I know this sounds like its just the girl thing, but I’m telling you it means a lot to him to.
While my guy was in his training we reached the day where we had been dating for a year and a half. Neither of us realized it until I looked at the calander, the next day, and saw that. When I told him he was really happy to hear it because we had just been dating a little over a year when he left. Even though it was a small thing it really meant a lot to the both of us that we were still together after 6 months of having our own lives in completely different states.
My advice to you when it comes to anniversaries, or whatever you and your guy call them, is to remind each other of them, and remind each other that you have made it through everything so far. Sometimes you will get so consumed with what is going on with your life it is so nice to be reminded of how strong the two of you are.
I know that I don’t need to tell you that what your guy is going through is going to be very hard on him and is going to effect him. I don’t need to tell you about all the things that he is told and the sacrifice he has made for you, but I do need to try and give you some advice on how to make him feel better when those things start to effect him. So here’s a list of things I have done to cheer my guy up when things get really rough.
I love and miss you.
Memories of good times we have had together.
How much I am looking forward to our future together.
How much he means to me.
How proud I am of him.
How well we are doing as a couple even though we are so far apart.
That I will never give up on our relationship unless he does.
How he will always have someone who will do whatever it takes to be with him.
How amazing he is for doing this.
How we overcame extremely hard problems both alone and together, and how that would never change between us.
There is so much more I could put on here, but these are the ones that have helped him the most. Also, when you tell him these things you may find that you are feeling better about him being gone. After all, sometimes you just need a small reminder of what you went through and what you mean to each other to keep going.
My boyfriend leaves for basic in a few months, then he will be in AIT. After he is done with that he will get stationed in another state, we don't know where yet. But I'm afraid he doesn't want me to come with him and it hurts my feelings a little. I don't think I can handle a long distance relationship at all. And he casually jokes about if he's oh so far away from me, I better worry about him and other girls and it bothers me. I don't know how to get my feelings across...?
That’s a really tough situation. I was a little worried about telling you the wrong thing so I asked my guy his opinion on the situation. He told me that it would be better for you to not go with him because his orders could change any day and if they do you would be stuck somewhere where he isn’t. He also said that if your guy is joking about being with other girls he may be considering it.
His best advice to you is to have you straight up tell him how you feel about him being gone and how much you want to make it work. You need to ask him if he wants to be in a long distance relationship that is a faithful one. I know its going to be a hard conversation but it is one that you two need to have.
This may be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do while he is gone. Patience sucks in this situation, because you don’t really have a choice. I’m sure you are aware of the requirement of being patient and waiting for him to talk to you or see you, but you will have to be patient for more than just that. Here is a list of times where you will have to be patient even though you have the opportunity to have some contact with him.
When he is talking to his parents.
When he is doing homework.
When he is spending time with his friends.
When he is tired and just wants to go to sleep.
When he can’t get on the computer.
When he is too tired to come over after a long day of work.
The night he is home for good.
When he just wants a day to himself.
It’s hard not talking to him when you know he has the chance to, but you will have more opportunities than you think so just hold off for a little while. I promise you that it will be worth it in the end.
Your blog is the cutest thing I've come across in awhile. I could only imagine the times when your boyfriend is away. I, myself am going to join the National Guard after I graduate next year. I'm very excited. The guy that I am involved with right now is very much into military things. He is possibly going to join also. Do you think that we would be together a lot if we joined at the same time? Just wondering.
The odds of you two being together are very slim, but it is possible for you too to be able to have a relationship. The only big problem is you aren’t allowed to talk to someone who’s in basic if you are. It’s a weird rule but they will enforce it. How they will know you are doing that is they will look at where you are sending letters and you can’t send from one base to another.
Besides that I don’t think you would have too many problems. A friend of mine is in the Navy and she is training right now. She is dating someone from the Navy but they are in different states at the moment. Their plan is to try and be stationed in the same base when they are done with their training. It’s going to be harder with both of you in it but I’m sure its worth it. :)