While my guy was gone I got really really sick, and the hardest part about dealing with it was that my guy wasn’t there to comfort me and help me feel better. It was hard for me because all I wanted to do was talk to him and have him keep me company until I felt better. We were able to talk because he was at his training after basic, but there was a problem. Because I was sick and he had had a long day we were both in a bad mood. Caution girls when both of you are in a bad mood it probably won’t end well.
When you’re sick you need to just look forward to the sound of his voice, not nessesarily what he is saying. I know that that may be hard to do, but if you don’t you may start to take things he is saying the wrong way.
Just take care of yourself and then take care of him.
So I know that you girls think that anniversaries are really important while your guy is still with you, but let me tell you they are so much more meaningful while he is gone. Every month that passes with the two of you still together is more important than the last. I know this sounds like its just the girl thing, but I’m telling you it means a lot to him to.
While my guy was in his training we reached the day where we had been dating for a year and a half. Neither of us realized it until I looked at the calander, the next day, and saw that. When I told him he was really happy to hear it because we had just been dating a little over a year when he left. Even though it was a small thing it really meant a lot to the both of us that we were still together after 6 months of having our own lives in completely different states.
My advice to you when it comes to anniversaries, or whatever you and your guy call them, is to remind each other of them, and remind each other that you have made it through everything so far. Sometimes you will get so consumed with what is going on with your life it is so nice to be reminded of how strong the two of you are.
I know that I don’t need to tell you that what your guy is going through is going to be very hard on him and is going to effect him. I don’t need to tell you about all the things that he is told and the sacrifice he has made for you, but I do need to try and give you some advice on how to make him feel better when those things start to effect him. So here’s a list of things I have done to cheer my guy up when things get really rough.
I love and miss you.
Memories of good times we have had together.
How much I am looking forward to our future together.
How much he means to me.
How proud I am of him.
How well we are doing as a couple even though we are so far apart.
That I will never give up on our relationship unless he does.
How he will always have someone who will do whatever it takes to be with him.
How amazing he is for doing this.
How we overcame extremely hard problems both alone and together, and how that would never change between us.
There is so much more I could put on here, but these are the ones that have helped him the most. Also, when you tell him these things you may find that you are feeling better about him being gone. After all, sometimes you just need a small reminder of what you went through and what you mean to each other to keep going.
My boyfriend leaves for basic in a few months, then he will be in AIT. After he is done with that he will get stationed in another state, we don't know where yet. But I'm afraid he doesn't want me to come with him and it hurts my feelings a little. I don't think I can handle a long distance relationship at all. And he casually jokes about if he's oh so far away from me, I better worry about him and other girls and it bothers me. I don't know how to get my feelings across...?
That’s a really tough situation. I was a little worried about telling you the wrong thing so I asked my guy his opinion on the situation. He told me that it would be better for you to not go with him because his orders could change any day and if they do you would be stuck somewhere where he isn’t. He also said that if your guy is joking about being with other girls he may be considering it.
His best advice to you is to have you straight up tell him how you feel about him being gone and how much you want to make it work. You need to ask him if he wants to be in a long distance relationship that is a faithful one. I know its going to be a hard conversation but it is one that you two need to have.
This may be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do while he is gone. Patience sucks in this situation, because you don’t really have a choice. I’m sure you are aware of the requirement of being patient and waiting for him to talk to you or see you, but you will have to be patient for more than just that. Here is a list of times where you will have to be patient even though you have the opportunity to have some contact with him.
When he is talking to his parents.
When he is doing homework.
When he is spending time with his friends.
When he is tired and just wants to go to sleep.
When he can’t get on the computer.
When he is too tired to come over after a long day of work.
The night he is home for good.
When he just wants a day to himself.
It’s hard not talking to him when you know he has the chance to, but you will have more opportunities than you think so just hold off for a little while. I promise you that it will be worth it in the end.
Your blog is the cutest thing I've come across in awhile. I could only imagine the times when your boyfriend is away. I, myself am going to join the National Guard after I graduate next year. I'm very excited. The guy that I am involved with right now is very much into military things. He is possibly going to join also. Do you think that we would be together a lot if we joined at the same time? Just wondering.
The odds of you two being together are very slim, but it is possible for you too to be able to have a relationship. The only big problem is you aren’t allowed to talk to someone who’s in basic if you are. It’s a weird rule but they will enforce it. How they will know you are doing that is they will look at where you are sending letters and you can’t send from one base to another.
Besides that I don’t think you would have too many problems. A friend of mine is in the Navy and she is training right now. She is dating someone from the Navy but they are in different states at the moment. Their plan is to try and be stationed in the same base when they are done with their training. It’s going to be harder with both of you in it but I’m sure its worth it. :)
There will be times, horrible times, when you are alone and thinking about what you are going through. You will ask yourself questions that you would never ask if you weren’t going through this. The one question you will ask yourself more than any other is: “Is he worth the wait?”
I want to tell you right now that he is worth it. Most people will tell you to give up and not to bother with him, but I’m telling you that your relationship will be stronger than ever when he comes home.
If you can’t wait for him then you need to talk to him about it. I know that you may be afraid that he will get mad at you, but I’m telling you right now he won’t. If you tell him that you are having doubts about the relationship and you asked him his opinion he will have the chance to help you. By asking him to help you can find out how much he cares about this relationship, and when he does you may find your decision is a much easier one than you thought.
For example if he wants to give up because you are worried about this and you fight for the relationship it shows that you are willing to make it work. Or if things take a turn for the worse… at least you will know that you tried to make it work instead of always wondering what it would have been like if you had tried.
Before your guy leaves you may be the only one your guy really talks to or spends time with. After he graduates from basic and moves to his further training he will have created an amazing bond with those he has worked with.
People he hated in basic are now very important to him because of all of the time they have spent together. Keep this in mind while he is gone. He will want to spend time with his friends at times, and when that happens he probably won’t talk to you.
My guy doesn’t have any brothers or sisters and he moved away from his best friend half way through high school. When he first got to basic he looked out for only himself because that was what he was used to doing. After he graduated basic and moved on to his further training he started spending more time with some of the guys he was working with.
When he was packing to come home he told me that he was upset because he was going to miss these guys that he had spent so much time working with. Also, keep in mind that some of the people your guy will be working with may not make it through this war. It will be hard for him to say goodbye to them, especially if they are to be deployed right after training.
As long as he is spending some time talking to you, you need to be okay with him spending time with these guys. After all, they may not have too many more fun nights on the town left.
Did your boyfriend go to strip clubs? If so how did you feel about that?
My boyfriend did not go to strip clubs, but most of the guys he was with did and he did have a lot of pressure to. Honestly I told him that if he wanted to go he could, but I didnt like it. I feel like as long as he isn’t paying for a “seperate room” its not cheating.
The day my guy left for basic was hard for the both of us. We talked for a long time about all the things that could happen while we were apart, and how hard it was going to be to stay together for such a long period of time.
When he brought me back to my house we both were scared and nervous about what was going to happen to us. But then I said something that has been the driving force in our relationship. It has kept us together through the lonely nights, missed events, and days where all you want is a hug. I looked my guy in the eyes and told him that,
"I wouldn’t have it any other way."
By me saying that our strength was renewed for a while, and whenever I feel down or angry that he is gone I remember those words and I can make it through it. I promise you that if you and your guy believe in these words you will be able to make it through anything you will face, either alone or together.
When your guy is in basic he will only be able to listen to music when everyone is cleaning the barracks and the sergants decide to turn the radio on. If your guy doesn’t like the type of music that is playing he just has to deal with it.
After basic your guy will be able to listen to music again. Your guy may not have been able to bring any music with him so you can easily set up his computer or IPod to send to him when he is in his training after basic.
You have no idea how much music means to your guy, he may not even know it himself. Music is an amazing outlet for your guy to use after a long and hard day of training. Your guy will love to just turn on his music and forget all of his troubles for a while. Trust me, it got my guy through some very hard days.
Before your guy leaves you need to ask him this one important question: Do you want to know bad news while you are gone?
Your guy is going to be under a lot of stress while he is at basic, so much stress that he may not want to know about the problems that you are having at home. The best thing to do is to respect his wishes on the matter. I promise you will be able to tell him at some point, just do it when he feels like he is ready to hear it.
If he says no:
Don’t tell him about any bad things that have happened to your family, his family, or anyone he knows. He will want to deal with it when he is done dealing with basic training. I know it will be hard for you to not tell him, but if that is what he wants you should do it.
If he says yes:
Tell him the bad news just make sure not to put it all on him at once. If he sounds like he is having an absolutely horrible day, maybe hold off on telling him until the next time you get to talk to him. Even though he told you that he doesn’t mind hearing bad news it will still effect him, so be careful on when you tell him. Just be sure to tell him as soon as it feels right to you.
Here is a list of some of the things my guy has given to me. They are so important to me that I always need to know where they are in worry that I might lose them. I hope your guy gives you some things that are as special to you as these are to me.
One of his name tags
Another jacket (that he bought to give to me)
A wallet size graduation picture from basic
I know these things may seem small, but whenever I look at these things I get happy and excited to see him again. I hope you will get something that means as much to you as these do to me.
When your guy is at A.I.T. he will have to do something once a week called fireguard. Now fireguard is a system where your guy will stay up at some point and make sure that no one gets in or out of the barracks. If your guy happens to have this in the evenings he may not be able to talk to you that night. Just keep that in mind if he ends up not talking to you one night during the week.
The worst thing that can happen with Fireguard is when he has it during the weekend. When this happens he can’t text, or talk to you for his two, three hour shifts. Your guy might try to sneak text you during that shift, and that’s okay just keep in mind the consequences if he gets caught. If he gets caught he will be issued an article 15 which means that he will be given a pay cut and, if he is going to come home soon, he will have to stay on base instead of coming home to see you.
Just keep in mind what could happen if he gets caught texting you when he is on his fireguard shift. In the end it is up to him, but you need to be aware of what could happen as well because it does affect you after all.
When your guy has gone through all the hard times that basic has to offer they will fall in love with the freedom that they get when they move on to their further training. At first they are hesitant to do things on their own, but eventually they will try some new things. Here is a list of things your guy may do once he realizes he has more freedom than he did before:
Buy everything he wants without hesitation
Go to strip clubs
Eat whatever they want
Drink a lot
Spend more time with his fellow soldiers instead of talk to you
The number one thing to remember is that he is still getting the hang of military life, and it will take a while for him to know what he wants verses what he can do. Now it is possible for him to not do any of these things while he is gone, but I’m telling you right now that he will at least consider it.
The main thing you can do is tell him how you feel about him doing those things and hope that he will make the right choice in the end. My guy did and to be honest it’s been really nice to not have to worry about what he may do and if it will hurt our relationship in the end.
If he happens to do some of these things you need to ask yourself if you have a problem with what he is doing. If you do have a problem with it, you should talk to him and make a decision on whether or not you can look past what he is doing.
When your guy has been in basic he has not been allowed to do a lot of things and at the same time being put in very stressful situations. They will adapt, but as soon as they get to A.I.T. they will realize that they don’t have to adapt anymore and start getting things to cope.
Most people in the military will start smoking and drinking when they are in A.I.T.. Now I know you are probably reading this and saying to yourself, “My guy would never do that,” but I promise you, they will get addicted to something.
Things they may get addicted to include:
Candy (yes candy)
Some of these aren’t as bad as others, but it is something that you are going to have to get used to. It is his choice to get addicted to these, but it is your choice to stay with him. If you do not want him drinking or smoking be sure to tell him that before the he has the opportunity.
Before my guy left I told him that I did not want to be with someone who smoked because of the health factors. We talked for a while and he decided that he wouldn’t smoke or drink while he was gone, but when he got to A.I.T. he got addicted to candy bars. That’s right candy bars. I know its better than smoking or alcohol, but it is still an addiction. Just keep in mind that they will most likely become addicted to something.
When your guy starts his journey through his military training you will go through what I call “Stages of the phone”. It happens all the time and when it happened to me I was suprised, because it is not something you would normally expect to happen between you and your guy contacting each other. Look at the stages and prepare yourself, because it very well could happen to you.
Stage 1: The first month he is gone. In this month you will find yourself constantly checking your phone for text messages from him out of habit. You will be surprised when your minutes and text messages drop in numbers, and you will be working as hard as possible to keep yourself busy, and because it is the first month you will succeed. When he calls you will be excited, but disappointed at the fact that it is only a five minute phone call.
Stage 2: Getting used to things. You will start to make sure that you have nothing going on on Sundays because you will do anything to make sure that you get his call. You will have found some friends to spend time with, or you will be starting to get into your own routiene to keep yourself busy. You will miss the texts he used to send you and you will count down the days until Sunday comes again.
Stage 3: When he graduates basic and moves on to further training. You will be so excited to be able to talk to him again at the end of the day that you will go over on minutes if you are not on the same phone plan he is. You don’t care about the consequences you just want to catch up as much as you can.
Stage 4: Getting into the swing of things. You know when you are both able to talk and you track your time so you don’t go over on minutes. You still look forward to hearing from him every day, but you don’t miss it as much.
Stage 5: Gone too long. The only real way you have contacted him over the past five or six months is texting and you are both getting tired of it. You miss each other and you just want to see each other, but you have to settle for texting. That seems okay for now, but eventually it grows on the two of you and it starts to get irritating. You talk more on weekends but don’t talk as much during the week day.
Stage 6: He’s finally home. You get to spend time with him more so texting or talking is not so irritating. Things slowly start to get back to the way things were before he left, and it feels like nothing has ever changed.